LASPCA

DATELINE. PERDIDO STREET. 01 NOV 2024. ALL SAINTS DAY. CITY HALL. MATTHEW KING REPORTING:

New Orleans’ newest, cutest couple is always on patrol. Felicity Jones and I just got jobs as cub reporters-at-large for the New Orleans Sun, a new start up. We are just like Lois Lane and Jimmy Olson.

The New Orleans Sun is a daily newspaper. It follows what’s going on in the city at a hyperlocal level.

We’ve been assigned the City Council beat, so we went to the City Council meeting yesterday at City Hall. It was the thirteenth budget meeting of the year. For this one, the budget of the Louisiana Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals was the primary item on the agenda.

Councilor-At-Large Helena Moreno presided over the meeting. Councilor Eugene Greene of District D and Councilor Oliver Thomas of District E were also in attendance.

Your intrepid reporters were on the scene. We sat to the left of the dais. Six other people sat in front of us. They were all smartly dressed. They were all black save one. On the other side sat three white people from a trailer park on Chef Menteur Highway.

The principle party sitting in front of us was Santa Claus. He was sitting with Mrs. Claus and his sister-in-law with his lawyers. The celebrities are here for a City Court Holiday Special they are filming. Reality television at its finest.

The whole point of the meeting was to debate what amount of funding should be allocated to control the feral alligator and feral hog population. These creatures have become accustomed to the presence of human beings in their realm. They are nesting under shotgun houses in New Orleans East, hatching eggs and nursing litters.

The coyote population is up. New Orleans East is notorious for being home to wildlife. Bayou Sauvage is out in the East. It is a National Wildlife Refuge.

Eugene Greene, my representative on the New Orleans City Council is an anti-chicken activist. I will never vote for him again.